Yoon:
Four months have passed since I sent my applications to law schools asking them to pity me and let me in.  I have chosen one*: Pacific McGeorge in Sacramento, CA.  This marks the third stage of my law career that started when I was a sixteen year-old go’fer in Fullerton, CA.  The second stage began in 2004 when I was a copy boy in a law firm.  Having completed a double-major bachelor’s degree at the University of California in Santa Barbara the year before, I was probably one of the most well-educated copy boys in all of San Diego that year.

Now, I am ready to take your questions.

*Not official as of May 11, 2009

Niel:
Why go back to school? I effing hate school. Don’t you?

Yoon:
I did not ‘effing hate’ school like you, but I merely disliked it immensely.  But that was when I didn’t know what the hell I wanted to do with my life.  Now I do know and law school will serve as a stepping stone to that end.

Jake:
Really, copy boy sounds prestigious. What more could you want? What do you hope to attain with this move?

Yoon:
Copy Boy was right proper.  It was really was one of those jobs where you could leave work at work and not bring it home with you.  Then again, it was soul-crushing.  It was one of the more humbling experiences in my life.  You can’t take yourself too seriously when you make copies of paper all day.

By going to law school, I hope to gain an understanding of the rules of the game, so that I can manipulate them to my advantage.  My advantage will be society’s gain.  I just hope you’re on the side of public interest.  If not, get ready to get steamrolled by Yoon in three years.  To be sure, that steam will not damage the environment in any way and will be created without carbon emissions.

Niel:
Why did you deliberately string along your out-of-state friends – with your implications that you might attend law school in either Oregon or Nevada – if you clearly had no intention of doing so? Are you a sadist, or are they, for having ever believed you? [This journalist feigns no hint of objectivity with respect to this subject.]

Yoon:
I made it clear that my focus in school would be public interest law.  Since this is one of those pursuits not likely to yield large financial rewards, I had to choose my school based on the financial aid packages that were offered to me, the chance that I could gain employment in public interest, the cost of living and my girlfriend’s preferences.  I do not want to leave school indebted to private lenders or have them force me to work solely for money to pay my bills.  Pacific McGeorge is the best option considering the criteria.

I personally blame Jake and Niel for not writing letters to their congress members to lobby for more financial aid for me.  Basically, you two did not try hard enough to get me to come to your respective home states.

Jake:
Do you consider a move to northern California a step directly onto a very slippery slope?

Yoon:
Can you please clarify which slope I perhaps may be stepping on to by moving to northern California?

Jake:
Historically, there has been a fairly intense rivalry between northern California and southern California (Dodgers v. Giants, Lakers v. Kings, San Francisco v. Los Angeles). Would you consider yourself a complete traitor by making this move, or simply well on your way to becoming one?

Niel (simultaneously piling on):
Giants fan. Use of the phrase “NoCal.” Believing Vacaville is a nice place to vacation.

Yoon:
That is what I thought you guys meant.  First of all, Sacramento does not have a Major League Baseball team. They only have the triple-A affiliate for the American League Oakland Athletics.  Secondly, there is a professor at Pacific McGeorge who is an enormous Dodgers fan so I know it is possible to live in Norcal without succumbing to their brand of baseball.  Lastly, I hella think you guys are overreacting.

Niel:
Not even in jest, dude. Not even in jest.
Law School is hard. How do you think you will fare?

Yoon:
Judging on past academic performance, I know I will survive.  However, due to the competition for jobs after graduation, I need to do more than that.  I am hoping for a renaissance of academic prowess but of course I’ll need to do more than hope.
My secret weapon is my older brother who has completed his second year of law school.  He has been successful and I plan to do what second-born siblings do: imitate initially but fine-tune it.

Jake:
What are you most looking forward to about your upcoming law school adventure?

Yoon:
I am looking forward to meeting a few idealists like myself who are going to law school for what I believe to be, the right reasons.  I’ve been looking for some cooler friends than the ones I have now.

Jake:
Maybe (Giants pitcher) Brian Wilson is free to hang out.

Niel:
First off – you are truly a dick. Secondly, if I had a nickel for every friend of mine that entered law school as an idealist only to leave it a bloodsucker…. well, then I would have about $.45. I hope you are the exception.
Last question from me: will you give me free legal help when I undoubtedly get into to trouble in the future?

Yoon:
You know it.

Jake:
That’s on the record!

Yoon:
Let the record show it. Same goes for you too, Jake.

Jake:
Very gracious. Good luck, and we look forward to hearing about your adventures on the 4+1 blog.

Yoon:
Thank you.  I will do my best though I might be busy with my new awesome, yet hypothetical friends.

Missed the introductions? Get to know Yoon, Niel, and Jake.

Niel: Sorry I’m late. I had to make myself a drink to get through this.
Jake: Spoken like a true writer.

Yoon: What is your favorite kind of cheese? Why?
Jake: Camembert made with raw milk. Or Camembert au lait cru as they say in France, because it’s so good. Perfect blend of creamy with a bit of kick. Saint Andre is pretty good too, and available here in the U.S.

Niel: Which is harder, being a dad or being a husband? I am especially curious in light of the fact that you became both at the same time.
Jake: It depends on the day. I’d say that generally being a dad makes it much tougher to be a husband. But then there are some who would focus solely on the one and ignore the other. It’s trying to do both that is the real heavy lifting. Both take a long time to get any good at. Four years and I’m just figuring out how to figure this stuff out.

Yoon: If you could be one age for the rest of your life, which age would you pick?
Jake: 24. It’s the perfect age to be. You’ve got the experience under your belt, but no big responsibilities yet. You can still have fun and not look like a total slacker. Things I did when I was 24: work on a lot of movies and go to France on student loans.

Niel: Top five jobs (no matter how ridiculous and ignoring your actual ability to perform them) that you wish you had, other than your current profession.
Jake:
1. International diplomat
2. Baseball player
3. GM of a baseball team
4. Political speech writer
5. bike builder/mechanic

Niel: Greatest fear. Greatest hope.
Jake: Greatest fear: That I’ll take the easy way, go without challenging myself for the rest of my life.
Greatest hope: that I can find the perfect blend of work/earning money, minimal possessions, spending time with family and friends outdoors and seeing the world.

Niel: P.S. The correct answer to the second part of the question was Barack got elected.
Jake: Yeah, greatest hope already fulfilled. That’s a weight off.

Yoon: Do you consider yourself really, really, good-looking?
Jake: I don’t see how I couldn’t. But would I go as far as to consider myself ridiculously good looking?

Niel: You magically have $5,000 and nothing to do for 90 days of consequence….. so…. what do you do?
Jake: Walk through France. I just went to a presentation by this couple who walked a trail that has been around for centuries, formerly used by Christian pilgrims, that is now maintained by local volunteer groups. 500 miles in 50 days. It turns out there are trails like this all over Europe. You can just walk.

Yoon: Have you ever spoken a racial slur in your life? If so, which one and to whom?
Niel: Damn.
Jake: If you mean directed at someone as a racial slur, the answer is no. I’m sure in my youth I used racial slurs as expletives or quotes (especially in music), but I’ve never used a racial slur directed at someone to disparage them.
By mistake, that’s possible.

Niel: Alright, we really stuck it to you. Here’s one up your alley: Organic or locally grown?
Jake: it depends on the product. Ideally both, but given the choice in something that really matters I’d go with organic. Otherwise locally grown. Is that hippie enough for you?

Yoon: Name the last movie that made you cry. Or at least get teary-eyed.
Jake: Il y a Longtemps Que Je T’aime, a.k.a. I’ve loved you so long.  Scratch that. Evie [my two-year old daughter] was watching the sandlot last night, and it always gets a little dusty in my house in the last scene when Benny ‘the Jet’ Rodriguez steals home.

Niel: Wes Anderson or David Gordon Green? Follow up: David James Duncan or J.D. Salinger?

Jake: You are giving me the tough ones. Anderson and Salinger, purely on the breadth and depth of their work.

Niel: Favorite time: Food, Movie, Band, songwriter, book, and friend (j/k about that) and Dodger.
Jake: Raclette. All the Real Girls. wilco. Lou Reed. The Brothers K. Shane (you started it). Andre Ethier.

Niel: Lightning round. Yoon, you start.

Yoon: Famous filmmaker or superstar baseball player?
Jake: Filmmaker.

Niel: Italian (food) or Mexican?
Jake: Mexican.

Yoon: Guitar or piano?
Jake: Guitar.

Niel: Hottest actress you could ever hope to cast in a movie.
Jake: Kate Blanchett.

Yoon: McDonalds fries or In ‘n’ Out fries?
Jake: In ‘n Out.

Niel: California or Utah (to live)?
Jake: California

Yoon: Would you ever use a man-purse?
Jake: Yes.

Niel: Most dependable for zinger: Yoon or Niel?
Jake: Niel lives and dies for the zinger.

Yoon: Do you wish you could grow a beard?
Jake: In a very bad way.

Niel: Royal Tenenbaums or Rushmore or other?
Jake: Rushmore.

Yoon: Mountains or beach? Easy one.
Jake: Beach.
Niel: Really?
Yoon: Wow.
Jake: Yeah. No question.
Yoon: But you’re a hiker.
Jake: You can hike on [or around] the beach. You guys underestimate the beach because you’ve lived around it a lot. I’ve lived in the mountains. You get the fresh air, but there’s nothing else to do besides breath.
Niel: Eff the beach and Jeff Goldblum.

Niel: NYC or Portland?
Jake: Considering my current situation. Portland.
Niel: Typical.

Niel: Deserted island, pick one: food, magazine (which is magically new each month), island mate (that isn’t your wife or kids), and game to keep you busy.
Jake: Sushi, I don’t know, Maggie Gyllenhaal, life.
magazine: the New yorker? but that’s a weekly.

Yoon: Superstition you still believe?
Jake: None.

Niel: Google or Yahoo or other?
Jake: Google.

Niel: Is it true you were the MVP of the intramural softball team that Niel played on with you?
Jake: I would say that had to be true, but as the team captain I recruited a bunch of misfits specifically to make myself look better than I really am.
Niel: Dick. What was I? Chump change?
Jake: You were an all-star. But a pitcher in softball can only be so valuable. [completely misses the "but you were the B-squad leader" reference opportunity]

Yoon: I’m out of questions.
Niel: Me too.
Jake: Alright, I guess that does it.

Niel: Chau, playas.
Jake: I think it’s ciao.
Yoon: Spanish, it’s chau.
Jake: Oh. Ok.

Jake: By the way, I’m officially waiting for your first correspondence pieces. Get on it.

Niel: Quickly tell us your greatest fear, greatest achievement, and greatest regret.
Yoon: Greatest fear: waking up one day all alone – no friends, no family. Greatest achievement: growing up a well-adjusted, relatively normal/sane person. Greatest regret: wish I could have had an adult conversation with pops, RIP.
Que en paz descanse.

Jake: What was your first car?
Yoon: Infiniti G20. 1993, dodger blue.

Jake: Follow up: dream car?
Yoon: Fully stocked Volvo station wagon. I’m gonna have kids someday.

Niel: As a Member of a minority in the U.S., does Barack Obama’s presidency have special meaning to you?
Yoon: Yes, it does have a special meaning. We know African-Americans have it the toughest in this country. If a member of that group can make it, anyone can. We know that the means are available to all, hopefully.
Niel: Follow up: Chance you will ever run for any type of elected office?
Yoon: I would like to run for something someday. I’ll start with neighborhood watch leader.

Jake: Give us an analogy for being a minority in the U.S. that we (white Americans) can understand.
Yoon: Being the new kid in your fifth grade classroom. You’ll make friends quickly but you don’t always know where you stand with the others.

Niel: List time – give us your favorite: food, beer, NFL team (like I give an eff about anything other than baseball), restaurant, city (other than the one you live in), ice cream flavor, and language (other than English, Spanish, and Korean.)
P.S. Yes, he’s trilingual, folks.
Yoon: Food: Kimchi. Beer – Bohemia, NFL – Raiders. Restaurant – Flavor of India in Santa Barbara, CA (currently). City – Mexico City. Ice cream flavor – I’ve never been into Ice cream like you native Americans but I’ll go with cookies and cream. Language – Nahuatl.

Jake: What’s on your TiVo?
Yoon: Movies that I would never rent: Dawn of the Dead (horror movies scare the poop out of me so I’ll never rent one), Star Trek – I’m a Star Wars fan.

Jake: What have you not done, that you now regret not doing?
Yoon: I did not work hard enough [academically] in college and I’m suffering from the effects now as I’m applying to school again.

Niel: College you wish you could have attended other than UCSB? (strictly for undergrad.)
Yoon: Any school in New York City.

Jake: Under what circumstances would you cut your Samson hair?
Yoon: I’ve told myself that when I look too old to have long hair, I’d cut it. I first chose the age of 30 but now that I’m less than a year from that point, maybe I’ll wait for a few more wrinkles to show before I chop.

Jake: You’re in a unique position to disclose this information: was there ever really a pseudo-hippie Niel [as he often claims]?
Yoon: Yes. Not a true hippie because he tried very hard to look cool. I don’t blame him though. He got a lot of attention from the ladies.

Jake: If you were able to take the next 6 months off work, where would you go and what would you do?
Yoon: I would travel through Central and South America. Pan Pacific Trail.

Jake: How many pair of jeans do you own? Polo Shirts? Ties? total pair of shoes?
Yoon: Jeans – 2, polo (type, not brand, right?) – 3, ties – 15, shoes – close to ten.

Niel: Give us the percentage chance that you will live [attending law school] in the following states, this time next year: California, Nevada, Oregon, other.
Yoon: CA – 80, NV – 10, OR – 10. This is the reality, not solely my decision.

Jake:  What was the last movie you saw? Rate it.
Yoon: Kingpin, for the 10th time. Not as good as I remember the first eight times I saw it. 7 out of 10.

Jake: Lighting round. Niel, go.

Niel: from jake: John or Paul?
Yoon: John.

Jake: Beatles or Elvis?
Yoon: Beatles.

Niel: Scorsese or Tarantino?
Yoon: Scorsese.

Jake: Cuisine: Chinese or Japanese?
Yoon: Chinese.

niel: Commute: Mass Transit or Bike?
Yoon: Mass transit.

Jake: Rain or Snow?
Yoon: Rain. I’ve seen snow fall only a handful of times. It’s silent and eerie.

Niel: Everyday for the rest of your life: Jeans and t-shirt or something a little fancier?
Yoon: Jeans and t-shirt. Easy.

Jake: Nature or nurture?
Yoon: Nurture.

Niel: Vegas (with your good buddy Niel) or weird-ass, hippie Oregon?
Yoon: Not a fair question, but long-term Oregon. Short term – Las Vegas.

Jake: Cuisine: Spanish or French?
Yoon: I’ve never really had either – I’ll go with Spanish.

Niel: Ladies: spanish or french? (zing?)
Yoon: Zing-ish. Spanish. Never really met French ladies.

Jake: Favorite cheese?
Yoon: Smoked gouda.

Niel: Next trip: Africa or Australia?
Yoon: Africa.

Jake: Favorite dodger?
Yoon: Brett Butler. No, Eddie Murray.

Niel: Current?
Yoon: Manny. I’m a sucker for the dinger.

Niel: How many text Messages have you sent/received in the last month?
Yoon: Less than 100.

Niel: How much time have you wasted in the last year at work chatting with the likes of these two reporters?
Yoon: Goodness – at least 400 hours.

Jake: Alright, that about does it.
Yoon: Thanks for the questions everyone. Look forward to updates on Law Schools in the near future.

Niel: I am here. I am ready.

Jake: Niel, what happened in your opinion? [vague ‘Life Aquatic’ reference]
Niel: Can you expound?

Jake: You missed the reference. Go watch Life Aquatic.

Yoon: You’ve mentioned that you’re looking forward to your 30’s. What gives you this kind of optimism?
Niel: It’s a fool’s optimism really. My 20’s have not been filled with joy. I look forward to a wife and kids and expect that to happen in my 30’s.

Jake: Name your five favorite cities.
Niel: Dillon, CO
Buenos Aires, Argentina
Las Vegas, NV
Panajachel, Guatemala
San Diego/Phoenix. I kid. How about Santa Barbara, CA?

Yoon: In a dire enough situation, do you think you could be a soldier in the U.S. army, i.e. do you think you could kill somebody on the other side?
Niel: I abhor violence and would never, ever wish to be put in that situation. If I were drafted, I would do everything in my power to gain a non-combat assignment. I honestly don’t think I could point a gun at another human being and pull the trigger.

Jake: I have a two part question: How many brothers and sisters do you have?
Niel: 2 sisters – one older, one younger.
3 brothers – all older.
Jake: which one is your favorite?
Niel: My little sister, Kristina, and I are extremely close. However, my brother Matt is a special person and his recent time spent here with me in Las Vegas sealed his fate as my favorite.

Yoon: You’re on a desert island, you can take one book, one album and one food (item, not group). Name all three.
Niel: Damn. That’s tough. The Brothers K, Abbey Road, and Toasted Bagels w/ Cream Cheese. (I love em.)

Jake: Name three things you absolutely hate.
Niel: Insincerity, violence, Padres/Giants.

Yoon: How do feel about the long hair aspect? What is your opinion about men approaching their thirties who still sport long hair?
Niel: I have only recently abandoned the practice of growing my hair fairly long and then cutting it short. However, my hair looks ridiculous long. If a man can pull it off, I say more power to him.

Jake: Under what circumstances would you shave your beard?
Niel: If I were recruited as a ‘Non-violent Spy’ and needed to do so to gain admission incognito somewhere. Other than that, I can’t think of any other reason.

Yoon: Do you consider vanity to be a flaw in a person?
Niel: No. I am extremely vain.

Jake: Name your top 3 ex-girlfriends.
Niel: Eff Jake. (And Jeff Goldblum)
1. Heather Meilie
Yoon: Is that Lamppost Pizza Heather?
Niel: Yes.
2. Melinda (from college)
3. Patty Everard
Jake: Alright girls, if you’ve googled yourself and you’re reading this right now then you know that there might be a spark still there for you. If you’re on your way through Vegas in the next couple of months you might want think about dropping a line.
Niel: All three are married, by the way.
Jake: Statement still stands.

Jake: If you were able to take the next 6 months off (without worrying about financial consequences), where would you go and what would you do?
Niel: I have an idea for a South America trip from Ecuador to Argentina that I would love to put in motion. Other than that, I think I would love to just live in some random, new, foreign city for a while.
As for my time, I would pretend to write, pretend to play guitar, and hopefully make friendly with the local female population.

Yoon: What is the chance you will be a homeowner by July 2009? Put this in a percentage, please.
Niel: 80%. By 11/30/09 – 98%

Jake: Give a brief synopsis of the last dream you had.
Niel: I dreamed I was playing guitar and started writing this amazing song that the people whom I was with (not sure who they were) absolutely loved. I am pretty sure it would have won a Grammy, if only I could remember it.

Yoon: Would you rather have fame or fortune?
Niel: Fortune.
Yoon: That was a quick answer.
Niel: I am that greedy.

Jake: Taking Yoon’s lead, I’d like to suggest going into the lightning round.
Niel: Cool. Ready when you two are.

Jake: What was your first car?
Niel: 1986 Dodge Colt. Hatchback.

Jake: Cuisine: Chinese or Japanese?
Niel: Chinese.

Jake: French or Spanish?
Niel: I want to learn French. Already espeak the espanish.

Yoon: Dogs or cats?
Niel: Dogs.

Jake: Cuisine: French or Spanish?
Niel: Spanish.

Jake: Nature or Nurture?
Niel: Nurture.

Yoon: What is your favorite brand of pancake syrup?
Niel: Aunt Jemima
Yoon: Yeah, Niel.

Jake: How many pair of jeans do you own?
Yoon: Great question, Jake.
Niel: About 8. I only really wear two of them.
At a time. Zing!

Jake: What was the last movie you saw?
Niel: Coraline.

Jake: Rate it.
Niel: It was alright.

Jake: John or Paul?
Niel: John

Yoon: Would you take a bullet for Barack Obama?
Niel: Probably not. Unless it were my job.

Jake: A bullet to death. What about a bullet to injury?
Niel: I guess I don’t see the relevance of the question. If it would help the country, I would consider it.

Jake: I mean, a bullet that would have killed him but will only injure you, fairly severely.
Niel: Alright, eff face. Yes. Ok? I will take the damn bullet.

Jake: Baseball or food?
Niel: Baseball.

Yoon: Of which race do you envision your future wife being?
Niel: Caucasian.

Jake: Ah, that’s racist. [typed in a Ricky Gervais voice]
Niel: Predictable.

Jake: Your next summer road trip will be to where?
Niel: If I had my druthers, I would go up to Glacier National Park. But more likely, I will finally go see Death Valley.

Jake: Favorite Dodger?
Niel: Andre Ethier. (Apologies to Russell Martin)

Yoon: Favorite friend?
Niel: I was actually thinking about this last night. If I got married tomorrow… Yoon would be my best man. I will leave it at that.
Jake: Fitting, since you didn’t even attend my wedding.
Yoon: Damn, didn’t think you’d answer that one.
Niel: In my defense, we weren’t as close then as we are now, Jake. And the answer had more to do with time known. I want to take this opportunity to thank you both for the questions.

Jake: Alright. This concludes our first press conference.
Niel: Thanks.