What three guys think is a recurring series on the Four + One blog. It is an ongoing conversation between three friends, Niel, Yoon and Jake, who live in three different cities and work in three very different professions. During today’s lunch hour, Yoon held a press conference to announce where he will be attending law school this fall.
Yoon:
Four months have passed since I sent my applications to law schools asking them to pity me and let me in. I have chosen one*: Pacific McGeorge in Sacramento, CA. This marks the third stage of my law career that started when I was a sixteen year-old go’fer in Fullerton, CA. The second stage began in 2004 when I was a copy boy in a law firm. Having completed a double-major bachelor’s degree at the University of California in Santa Barbara the year before, I was probably one of the most well-educated copy boys in all of San Diego that year.
Now, I am ready to take your questions.
*Not official as of May 11, 2009
Niel:
Why go back to school? I effing hate school. Don’t you?
Yoon:
I did not ‘effing hate’ school like you, but I merely disliked it immensely. But that was when I didn’t know what the hell I wanted to do with my life. Now I do know and law school will serve as a stepping stone to that end.
Jake:
Really, copy boy sounds prestigious. What more could you want? What do you hope to attain with this move?
Yoon:
Copy Boy was right proper. It was really was one of those jobs where you could leave work at work and not bring it home with you. Then again, it was soul-crushing. It was one of the more humbling experiences in my life. You can’t take yourself too seriously when you make copies of paper all day.
By going to law school, I hope to gain an understanding of the rules of the game, so that I can manipulate them to my advantage. My advantage will be society’s gain. I just hope you’re on the side of public interest. If not, get ready to get steamrolled by Yoon in three years. To be sure, that steam will not damage the environment in any way and will be created without carbon emissions.
Niel:
Why did you deliberately string along your out-of-state friends – with your implications that you might attend law school in either Oregon or Nevada – if you clearly had no intention of doing so? Are you a sadist, or are they, for having ever believed you? [This journalist feigns no hint of objectivity with respect to this subject.]
Yoon:
I made it clear that my focus in school would be public interest law. Since this is one of those pursuits not likely to yield large financial rewards, I had to choose my school based on the financial aid packages that were offered to me, the chance that I could gain employment in public interest, the cost of living and my girlfriend’s preferences. I do not want to leave school indebted to private lenders or have them force me to work solely for money to pay my bills. Pacific McGeorge is the best option considering the criteria.
I personally blame Jake and Niel for not writing letters to their congress members to lobby for more financial aid for me. Basically, you two did not try hard enough to get me to come to your respective home states.
Jake:
Do you consider a move to northern California a step directly onto a very slippery slope?
Yoon:
Can you please clarify which slope I perhaps may be stepping on to by moving to northern California?
Jake:
Historically, there has been a fairly intense rivalry between northern California and southern California (Dodgers v. Giants, Lakers v. Kings, San Francisco v. Los Angeles). Would you consider yourself a complete traitor by making this move, or simply well on your way to becoming one?
Niel (simultaneously piling on):
Giants fan. Use of the phrase “NoCal.” Believing Vacaville is a nice place to vacation.
Yoon:
That is what I thought you guys meant. First of all, Sacramento does not have a Major League Baseball team. They only have the triple-A affiliate for the American League Oakland Athletics. Secondly, there is a professor at Pacific McGeorge who is an enormous Dodgers fan so I know it is possible to live in Norcal without succumbing to their brand of baseball. Lastly, I hella think you guys are overreacting.
Niel:
Not even in jest, dude. Not even in jest.
Law School is hard. How do you think you will fare?
Yoon:
Judging on past academic performance, I know I will survive. However, due to the competition for jobs after graduation, I need to do more than that. I am hoping for a renaissance of academic prowess but of course I’ll need to do more than hope.
My secret weapon is my older brother who has completed his second year of law school. He has been successful and I plan to do what second-born siblings do: imitate initially but fine-tune it.
Jake:
What are you most looking forward to about your upcoming law school adventure?
Yoon:
I am looking forward to meeting a few idealists like myself who are going to law school for what I believe to be, the right reasons. I’ve been looking for some cooler friends than the ones I have now.
Jake:
Maybe (Giants pitcher) Brian Wilson is free to hang out.
Niel:
First off – you are truly a dick. Secondly, if I had a nickel for every friend of mine that entered law school as an idealist only to leave it a bloodsucker…. well, then I would have about $.45. I hope you are the exception.
Last question from me: will you give me free legal help when I undoubtedly get into to trouble in the future?
Yoon:
You know it.
Jake:
That’s on the record!
Yoon:
Let the record show it. Same goes for you too, Jake.
Jake:
Very gracious. Good luck, and we look forward to hearing about your adventures on the 4+1 blog.
Yoon:
Thank you. I will do my best though I might be busy with my new awesome, yet hypothetical friends.
Missed the introductions? Get to know Yoon, Niel, and Jake.
Tags: press conference, What three guys think, yoon
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That guy Yoon is truly a dick.